I was going to post this months ago, but got distracted by something, but here it is.
In honor of Pain Awareness Month, one of my closest and dearest friends in the world has been diagnosed with a condition that means she will have chronic pain and all of the joys that come with it for the rest of her days. We are 40 somethings so that means that my peers and I are all starting to feel the effects of aging. My knees hurt pretty bad, we all know what it is to have a bad back to some degree, sometimes it’s harder to get up than it used to be, and even though many of us are still very active, we are starting to fall apart a bit. This is different though, this is the bad kind of pain that takes your breath away.
This friend is one of the active ones and this condition means that she is going to lose some of the activities she loves most. It means that sleeping isn’t going to come as easy and walking isn’t going to be the same and she is going to have to think before she does pretty much everything. She is a bit on the depressed side about this and I’m not at all surprised. I’m actually pretty devastated for her. I don’t actually enjoy welcoming anyone to this community.
And what a welcome it has been for her. She’s been here for only a week and she’s already experienced scathing stigma. People have told her she is overreacting or having a dooms day attitude about it. She’s being made to feel embarrassed for having to ask for special accommodation at work. She’s wondering if people are going to treat her differently and feels the need to apologize for having to take it slow.
I’m used to all of this and I just let it roll off of me for the most part, but for her, it’s so new and she’s already facing such an overwhelming loss. She already has anxiety and now she has this new burden which is triggering more anxiety.
It shouldn’t be this way I don’t think. When someone gets cancer or something, they are supported and the whole world seems to send flowers or messages of support. People come out of the woodwork saying “what can we do?” and send gifts and drop in to visit. When you get chronic pain you are ostracized, made fun of, told you are weak, lose your job, friends, and more. It is isolating. I wonder why?
I cannot really reconcile it. What makes this group of conditions different from others? Is it a public relations issue? Is it fear? Is it misunderstanding? Is it that people feel there are more important things? Is the whole opioid thing? I imagine it’s a combination of things, but this whole perception thing needs to change. Chronic pain is the most common cause of long term disability, so chances are you are going to encounter someone with chronic pain. It’s time to become tolerant of it, understanding of it, and even supportive of those with it. It’s incredibly difficult to live with and those with it are just as deserving of support and kindness as anyone else. Think about how you’d want to be treated if your whole life changed in the blink of an eye through no fault of your own.
Light in the Dark 